Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
