Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
