I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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