call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
