exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
