Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
