So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
