..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
