dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize