thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
