Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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