i think my tv is drunk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
