So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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