i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
