sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
