so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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