I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
