i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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