1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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