is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize