I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
