bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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