i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
