mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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