true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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