We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mom said you looked used
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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