This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize