Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
