If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
