I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
