I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
