And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We smell like vodka and hangover
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