GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
