So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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