When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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