you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
