So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
