he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize