I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
