its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
