Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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