we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
