im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you win again, gameday.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My feet surprised me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
