Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
