You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
