Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
