I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
