I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize