Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
