i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
