I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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