I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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