she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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