Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
