but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
