Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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