Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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