just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
