My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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