Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
