and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
