Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want nice things and good sex
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
