Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Randomize
