This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
