A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
