I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Found your dick twin last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
