Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
