She said her name was "party"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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