Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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