I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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