I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
