Got a toothbrush?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize