My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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